It was a known fact. I had promised my next blog would be The Homeopathic Repertorization of Jared Lee Loughner, but I had left something crucial out of the “Theory for the Structure and Action of the Homeopathic Remedy.”
I had to get drunk.
I told my wife that it was time for my bi-monthly bottle.
She said go and get it.
I got in the car and drove to the liquor store.
The woman who I saw last night was there in the back room.
“I thought you said Sally would be here, “ I said.
She looked at me puzzled.
“When did I say that?” she said.
“Last night, at the Chinese restaurant.”
“Oh yeah,” she smiled coyly.
I turned my attention started looking at the vodkas. For some reason my mind goes blank when I look at booze. If I was thinking, I’d get a bottle of Whaler’s dark rum. There‘s nothing better or smoother than Whalers.
But for some reason I always get whiskey.
My mind scanned the bottles of vodka in front of me. I wanted vodka because of the experiments at the University of Cincinnati and Moscow State University that showed clathrates in vodkas affected taste.
Linus Pauling said clathrates are what get you drunk.
I wanted vodka.
The only problem with vodka is that the only time I’ve had anything close to an alcoholic blackout was on vodka. I wrote email I couldn’t remember writing.
But it was coherent and right on.
Once when drinking vodka I slammed my finger in the car door and didn’t feel it until a day later.
I also needed help getting from a young lady the beach back to the car . . or so I am told.
Amnesia it seems comes with every bottle of vodka.
It suddenly hits me. I should start a creep show franchise so these little sawed off runts, like the Amazing Randi, could have something to do other than becoming scientists.
I looked at the whiskeys. Here was familiar territory. I lived for years on Kessler’s when I was in Virginia City, Nevada.
Every day I would trundle up to the Sugar Loaf Grocery and buy a half pint from Seven Fingered Dan, the long haired fat bastard who ran the joint. Then I got it in my head to buy a big bottle to save money and give it to the woman who was living with me to hide and ration out.
That’s how I controlled my drinking habit.
I tell you, the best cure yet for drinking is to live with a raving alcoholic. The only time I could imbibe was when the drunk I had taken in, a poet, was not plastered.
In homeopathy we call that similia.
Maybe its nothing more than an inherent ability to be the designated non drinker, an inspiration to attend AA meetings blotto.
I think of all the lives I would save.
Yesterday I was on Skype with Kaviraj and John Board. Board is the man who invented the Hollywood Survival Kit. It is a packet full of homeopathic remedies to help people put up with the worthless bullshit you have to endure in such a place.
Kaviraj and Board were whining about a Canadian Broadcast Corposation (CBC) special on homeopathy that gave der party line, jawohl, sieg heil Pfizer.
My answer was to respond to it homeopathically, with similia.
“Call for a Fatwa on homeopaths, just as the Canadian Broadcasting System is calling for us to do,” I said.
It was suggested that we go to meetings of the homeopathy haters and interrupt them, blow whistles and such.
“No, please don’t try to drown them out,” I pleaded. “That’s allopathic. Apply homeopathy. Join their cause and start acting like them, except worse, like total Fascists, become worse than them, brownshirts, slightly nuts, then totally over the top, rabid mad dogs. Rather than try to suppress the symptoms by drowning them out, or disrupting their meetings by arguing with them, do just the opposite. Apply similia! Start out repeating the same tired old crap about Avogadro’s limit; placebo; it’s just water; then slowly ramp it up, becoming oddly unreasonable about it, sinister and then downright evil. Suck them in.
“Tell people they can get paid by the International Federation of Pharmaceutical Manufacturers Association (IFPMA) to trash homeopathy. Demand that the government ban it. Call for obloquy (public disgrace) of homeopaths; burn Hahnemann in effigy; stage a book burning of the Organon. Create compelling spectacles. Put a ‘homeopath’ in the stocks, call for public executions, torture to extract confessions, firing squads, electric chairs, hangings, the gas chamber, the arrest of anyone caught using homeopathy, millions to be put on trial and given life sentences.
“The signs you hold should also follow similia for homeopathy bashing. They should be as unreasonable as reasonably possible.
“Kill a homeopath for Simon Singh . . and Hitler.”
“HOMEOPATHY = NEW AGE MADNESS”
“I HATE HOMEOPATHY TOO”.
“ARYAN NATIONS HATES HOMEOPATHY!”
“ARYAN NATIONS SUPPORT SIR JOHN BEDDINGTON”
“HOMEOPATHY JEWISH PLOT”
“UK MDs DON’T LIKE IT, NEITHER DID MENGELE”
“HOMEOPATHY DESTROYS CAPITALISM”
“ALLOPATHS KNOW BEST”
HOMEOPATHY ROBS BIG PHARMA”
“If people hear really wild and crazy rhetoric coming from what appear to be homeopathy opponents, they’ll think maybe there’s actually something to it. Say John Beddington, Simon Singh, Edzard Ernst and the other usual miscreants encouraged you to do it. Cheer them on but do it in the insane extreme.
An interesting thing happened. They went inside. They closed up shop. John Board got up and left the room.
Kaviraj, the world’s greatest living homeopath, turned to his work, writing.
I found a bottle of “Ancient Age, Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey.”
The legend said, “Steeped in history and tradition, Ancient Age Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey has been branded America’s best bourbon.”
For the price.
Good enough for me.
I took it to the check out stand. There was a woman in front of me. I could see I was an object of her attention., so I began looking for a miniature bottle of that . . green stuff.
They were selling it, or they had been. I couldn’t find it.
It used to be illegal because it drove people mad. Made from wormwood. There is a homeopathic remedy made from it as a cure for the anemia suffered by virgins. The old maid’s remedy. A disease as rare in the West as the bourbon I was buying was advertised to be.
It is of interesting note to me that absence of coitus causes anemia . . or maybe it’s the other way around. Purely a scientific interest on my part as a homeopathic physician. I have no personal interest in it. I got married so I wouldn’t have to have sex anymore . . or at least any dull sex.
Then again . . maybe I do need it . .
Excuse me lest I gain some undeserved readership from those last observations, let me say I’m a flaming liberal and I hate Fox News, especially Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity.
Speaking of which, have you noticed that Jared Lee Loughner looks exactly like a Glenn Beck with his head shaved? And did you know that Glenn Beck told Loughner to do what he did?
Here is a transcript from Glenn Beck on Fox News June 9th, 2010
Beck said “I will stand against you and so will millions of others. We believe in something. You in the media and most in Washington don’t. The radicals that you and Washington have co-opted and brought in wearing sheep’s clothing — change the pose. You will get the ends. You’ve been using them. They believe in Communism. They believe and have called for a revolution. You’re going to have to shoot them in the head. But warning, they may shoot you. They are dangerous because they believe. Karl Marx is their George Washington. You will never change their mind. And if they feel you have lied to them — they’re revolutionaries. Nancy Pelosi, those are the people you should be worried about. Here is my advice when you’re dealing with people who believe in something that strongly — you take them seriously. You listen to their words and you believe that they will follow up with what they say. Didn’t we learn that lesson from Usama bin Laden? I heard his warning in 1998. I said on the air at the time, listen to him. We didn’t listen. We didn’t listen to the revolutionaries in Germany, the revolutionaries in Russia or Venezuela or Cuba — no, no, no. They all have one thing in common. They have all called for revolution. They want to overthrow our entire system of government, and their words say it. Why won’t you believe it?”
The woman at the check stand in front of me was checking me out. I could see her glancing at me from out of the corner of my eye.
I had left out a miserable part of my last blog, the part that explained the relevant parts of Montagnier’s discoveries, the item about high dilutes becoming inert in mu metal boxes.
Isolated from the background radiation, the higher potency becomes silent in the presence of the lower potency . . or at least, so they say.
NEXT: CHAPTER TWO of “The Homeopathic Repertorization of Jared Lee Loughner.